By Cara Beth Lewis
When someone is gracious enough to host, it’s important to be a gracious guest in return. When you enter someone’s home, there are many things to consider and be conscious of. While some practices are individual to certain families, traditions, and customs, there are some things that are just common, good manners.
To keep it simple, we are going to split this into “dos” and “don’ts.” Anything in-between is dependent upon whose home you are in. (Definitely Do and Definitely Don’t Lists are courtesy of Emily Post.)
Like we always say, there are three principles to etiquette – consideration, honesty, and respect. As you read these dos and don’ts, think about what makes them “good etiquette” or “bad etiquette” in terms of those three principles.
Definitely Do:
• Make your visit short and sweet. Generally keep your visit to no more than three nights.
• Bring your own toiletries.
• Make your bed and clean up after yourself. Keep your bathroom clean: Wipe up any ring in the tub, shaving cream residue in the basin, hair on any object or surface, or dirt on soap.
• Offer to help out, especially in the kitchen (unless your host objects).
• Be adaptable. Be ready for anything—or for nothing.
• Show that you’re enjoying yourself.
• Offer to pitch in for groceries if you are staying more than two or three nights.
• Double check to make sure you have all your belongings before you leave.
• Bring or send a gift, or treat your host to a night out.
• Send a handwritten thank-you note following your visit.
You never want your host to feel as if you are taking advantage of them and their kindness. On the other hand, a host should not make a guest feel unwelcome or burdensome. Hosts should also be considerate of their guests and their comfort during their visit.
Definitely Don’t:
• Ask to bring your pet. If you must travel with your pet, inquire about a good kennel in the area or offer to stay in a hotel. This also gives your host an opening to invite your pet if they wish.
• Accept an invitation from someone else during your visit without first checking with your host.
• Use your host’s phone, computer, or any other equipment without asking.
• Use more than your share of hot water.
• Snoop!
By knowing the person you are visiting, you can add to the list above. If you know your host dislikes something, do not bring it into their home. Likewise, if you know your host loves something, bring a surprise as a “Thank you.”
It is important to respect the host, while also respecting their space. Leave everything in top-condition and handle all items that are not yours with extra care. The last thing you want to do is cause a disruption by breaking or damaging something.
According to EmilyPost.com, “Manners for how to be a good host and a good guest are some of the most important in social life. Life event parties from proms and quinceaneras, to wedding showers, to baby showers, to housewarmings, to birthdays, to graduation and retirement parties are often guided by traditional etiquette that has worked for generations. Formal dinners, casual gatherings and friends dropping by also have host – guest social expectations that are based on many of the principles of good etiquette.”
As a host, there are also important etiquette practices to remember. A good host will receive guests well, while a bad host can make for a bad guest.
Duties as a host:
• Invite clearly. Don’t leave your guests guessing as to who they are allowed to bring.
• Be kind and hospitable. A warm welcome helps your guest to know that you are happy to have them.
• Be appreciative. Be thankful that your guests took the time to visit you, attend your event, or whatever the case may be.
• Be prepared. Plan well, and make sure you have everything you need to make your guests have a pleasant experience.
• Lead the group. Don’t depend on your guests to self-entertain.
• Be flexible. You never know when plans will suddenly change.
Whether you are the host or the guest, always remember that everything you do should display consideration, respect, and honesty.
About Author
