By Blake Proctor
Punxsutawney Phil, of eponymous movie fame, has, today, seen his shadow and crawled back into his den, thus forecasting six more weeks of winter. But in the 136 years he has been predicting the end of winter, he has been correct only 39% of the time; so, since 1887, he’s been wrong 82 of those years!
Although, as a movie star, Phil is the most famous predicter of American weather patterns six weeks down the road, he has other lesser-known cousins who attended the Gobbler’s Knob Institute for Woodchuck Weather Forecasting with him. His closest, and much more accurate, weather prophecier is 2nd-cousin-twice-removed-on-his-mother’s-side Charles G. Hogg of Staten Island, New York City, who has been studying the same weather patterns as Phil since 1981; however, Staten Island Chuck, as he is called in NYC’s Richmond County, correctly predicted the weather 32 times in 41 years. His accuracy rate of 78% is twice that of his much older and more-near-sighted Pennsylvania cousin.
Another cousin who is also a more accurate forecaster than Phil is General Beauregard Lee of Jackson, GA. Beau, as he is affectionately known south of the Mason-Dixon Line, also predicted an early spring this year.
There are many other graduates of Punxsutawney’s GKIWWF around the country. Some of the more noteworthy, although not necessarily more accurate, include Marion, Ohio’s Buckeye Chuck, who also saw no shadow and called for an early spring; Alabama’s Birmingham Bill took the day off today to continue hibernating; Washington DC’s Potomac Phil passed away some years ago and is now a mere stuffed relic of his old self and so – like many decision-makers in that city – couldn’t come to a conclusion if his life depended on it.
Other states don’t grow groundhogs so they make do with substitutes. The groundhogs in Texas are hardened critters known as armadillos. The most famous seer of weather patterns is (believe it or not!) Bee Cave Bobin the City of Bee Cave, who is let out of his chute and wanders around, looking for his shadow. As with standard prediction tradition, if he see it, there will be six more weeks of winter. Today, he didn’t, so he says we’ll have an early spring.
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